The Seasonal Friend

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” –Dr. Seuss

Those mountains, they seemed so high, but you grabbed my hand and pulled me up to look at the view.

We raced through obstacles like kids on the playground.

When the rain came trickling down you made sure I splashed through the puddles.

The dark streets would light up with your laughter.
As the waves came crashing onto the shore you helped me chase them away.

I threw my head down in despair and teasingly you threw yours down in a mocking manner.

We talked.  We walked.  We laughed. We existed. 

But one day the sun came up, scorching, and it sent you on your way. 

At first glance the sun was painful to me—it blistered. I didn’t want our season to end, you became my comrade, I didn’t think you were supposed to leave.  But when the pain subsided the appreciation came. 

“I know that whatever God does,
It shall be forever.
Nothing can be added to it,
And nothing taken from it.”  Ecclesiastes 3:14

The walks and talks were for a time and in that time I grew; or rather we grew together.   

Without you that mountain would have not been so easily climbed nor that race so quickly run.  You helped me laugh through every obstacle and jump in every puddle.   You didn’t leave; our paths merely went different directions.  I was blessed to have you be that someone to walk beside me.

 The blisters from the sun are almost gone, they remind me to be grateful for our season, and for each season I’m given.  Every time I remember you I wish you the best, and I know that when the rain comes you’ll jump in and when the waves crash on the shore you’ll run after them.   

To the seasonal friend, I thank you, because you showed me how to appreciate even the smallest of memories, for it seems those are the ones that become the fondest.

“To everything there is a season, 
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, And a time to die;


A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;

A time to kill, And a time to heal;


A time to break down, 
And a time to build up;

A time to weep, 
And a time to laugh;


A time to mourn,
 And a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;


A time to embrace, 
And a time to refrain from embracing

A time to gain, 
And a time to lose;


A time to keep, And a time to throw away;

A time to tear, And a time to sew;


A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

A time to love,
 And a time to hate;


A time of war,
 And a time of peace."    

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

In Comparison to What?

“I feel like the biggest loser!” 

“Why is she so amazing?”
“It makes sense why they all adore her.”

Girls, girls, girls…we really have a knack for comparison, don’t we?

We see others and we think “if only I had her….”

It’s a constant struggle between knowing we were wonderfully made and yet feeling as if God forgot to give us something.

Really now, when God created you do you honestly think He was saying,  “I’m going to make her less interesting than the rest I created.”    

Think about it.

If you continuously compare yourself to the imperfect human you will never be full.  

Why?

There is only One who satisfies the human heart, there is only One who we can truly compare ourselves to…

Christ.

And to be quite honest with you when you start comparing yourself to Him and letting Him be your Guide you will feel more and more inadequate, but more and more loved.

Make sense?  No? ….yeah, I know, it doesn’t.  Why would we compare ourselves to Christ if He too makes us feel inadequate?  Because:  “I am more sinful than I ever imagined, but more loved than I ever dared to believe.”

His love, His crazy love, is like a vast ocean so deep and wide it covers you like a warm blanket, it fills you, and it cures you.
Only His amazing love can take away all our selfish thoughts.   And it is only when we fully abandon ourselves to Him and see our sinful nature that we are able to completely partake of His grace.

So I give you this challenge:

When you feel yourself looking to another in comparison and thinking,
“Well I wouldn’t have…”

“Well I have never..”

“If only I had…”

“She’s just more….”

Roll those thoughts out, take a cookie cutter to them and cut out a cross.

Then compare yourself.

Girls, He loved you so much, not only did He create you, but He sent His only Son to suffer trials, persecution and eventually die for you….

FOR YOU.

We all have our faults, we are all imperfect, but He made you just the way you are to glorify His name, to fulfill a purpose that only you are able to do.  

Faith

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7

            I’ve tried to write this blogpost over and over again, never finding the right words, I deleted and tried again, each time I ended up deleting it again and shutting down my computer in frustration. However after meeting Faith I knew I had the right words.

Faith is a young girl of seventeen, she came with her family to help us unload the trucks at our new place, her hair was pulled back and her clothing some would say extremely modest.  Every time I turned around there was Faith, waiting for me to give her something to do, “Put me to work Heidi, I can do it!”  She never stopped, she worked just as energetically as the men and with a mirth about her.  Faith is partially deaf, she can hear, but you have to speak straight to her for her to actually understand. Through it all Faith never has given up, she never let her slurred speech or lack of hearing let herself become bitter—true to her name she stayed faithful in a God who knew what He was doing when He created her.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

I never knew if my decision to stay in California was right, I felt God wanted me there but there were always those nagging thoughts of “you have never been without your family…you will fail” and “what makes you think you can do this?”  “But God wants me here!” I would tell myself over and over again, still I felt helpless. He never said following Him would be easy…have faith…have faith…
“By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.” Hebrews 11:3

By faith we see the hand of God 

In the light of creations grand design

In the lives of those who prove His faithfulness

Who walk by faith and not by sight 

            There were nights I wanted to run away, days I wished I had never existed, I honestly don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life.  Looking back now I see how God used that situation to bring me closer to Him, to desire to be apart of His plan for me.  Not knowing what to do caused me to search His Word, and through those words I saw how desperate I am apart from Him, through the pain of it all I found the beauty of His Words, and the passion of His calling It’s not easy…have faith…

“…for it is God who works in you, both to will and to do for His good pleasure.”  Philippians 2:13

By faith this mountain shall be moved

And the power of the gospel shall prevail

For we know in Christ all things are possible

For all who call upon His name

            I look up to the beautiful blue country sky, I’m sitting under an apple tree, in the soft grass with grape vines all around me; I dearly love this place, it’s a perfect country home, but it’s not my home.  I know this now, I know where I have been called and those nagging thoughts have been put to rest, people may still question but I know what God has called me to do and to be for now.    

By faith the church was called to go

In the power of the Spirit to the lost

To deliver captives and to preach good news

In every corner of the earth

We will stand as children of the promise

We will fix our eyes on Him our soul's reward

Till the race is finished and the work is done

We'll walk by faith and not by sight

          For faith was energetic, every time I turned around there it has been staring me in the face saying “Put me to work Heidi, let go, let faith take over.” It was waiting mirthfully for me with lessons and challenges, each one telling me to have faith in the God who created me and who has a plan much greater than my own.  My home is not with my family, it’s not with my friends, or school, or even necessarily California, my home is where God calls me to be a light.  My home is in Him, for now that place is California, but who knows where else He may call me.
           

         All these heavy thoughts will try to weigh you down,

 but not this time.



Way up in the air, you're finally free.


All this gravity will try to pull you down,

but not this time.



When the sun goes down, and the lights burn out,


Then it's time for you to shine.


Brighter than the shooting star,

so shine no matter where you are.


Fill the darkest night, with a brilliant light,


'cause it's time for you to shine.


Brighter than a shooting star,

so shine no matter where you are

Dear Little Girl

Dear Little Girl,

One day you will wake up.  You will look in the mirror and see the adult you have become.  Your eyes will reflect the memory of painful moments but your smile will hold to the hope of tomorrow.  It’s not that your life will be hard, for hardship is merely a state of mind, but it will have times when you are put through fire. However through each of these said fires you will gather strength, knowledge, and humility.  For you my dear are a diamond—pushed to extremities to be made into a sparkling jewel for His glory.

People will let you down, those you trust will prove to be untruthful and you will be forced to make some very grown up decisions but don’t lose your childhood because of that; hold fast darling you’re still a child in His eyes.  Other people will leave you, and you will feel alone battling off the world, but know this: the battle is not an earthly one and your Father is right there, arming and strengthening you for each fight.  

Now little girl, after eighteen years you’ll feel like you are ready for the world, and you are.  God has used your parents to mold you and shape you into a shining light for Him, but that doesn’t mean the world will not be rough—it will push and pull you till you feel like you can’t finish, till you want to give up, but it is in each of those weak times you look up.  Look up to Him lovely; He is your strength in every one of those times.  You aren’t made to fight on your own and He will never let you.  

In these years you will find your purpose; some say it is a calling, others will say your passion.  Your eyes will shine with excitement and your lips will speak fervently of His desire in your life.  But you will soon face a battle unlike any other—a battle of Job, where you are left wondering if you chose wrongly.  Don’t question Him, you are attacked because you speak truth, you are bruised because Satan wants you to fall and you are in pain because he will use people and circumstances to make you feel like you have failed—but you haven’t.  “For every one of Satan’s lies God has a beautiful truth.”

At the end of some days you will cry of exhaustion from fighting, you will feel empty from questioning, but you look to the cross and remember what He did for you, how He suffered, innocently, for you.  My dear He didn’t only die for you, nor did He only give you a purpose, but He gives you comfort—He gives you friends.  There will be many who will help you, guide you, and love you.  And at the end of those days when you are ready to give in He uses those friends to give you that extra push to fight, to comfort, and to love.  Dear, dear little girl the church will become more real and more alive to you as you see it used in your life.  So cherish your life darling, be adventurous and fight your battles looking to the Author and Finisher of your faith cherishing every trial, triumph and friend you make along the way. 

“and who knows whether you are come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14b

When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger

The pain ain't gonna last forever

And things can only get better

Believe me

This is gonna make you stronger

What ever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace

Though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see

I'm giving in to something Heavenly

"For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance." Romans 8:24-25

Fight the Fight

     As I write this post I am sitting outside, on top of my car, locked out of my house.  Why? My family is asleep, not answering their phones, and my brother has my key. 

But it made me think: lately I’ve been feeling “locked out” of God.  I’ve wanted to give up, forfeit.  I’m not the type of person who gives up easily, but I’ve been tired and ready to give in.  

Give in to what?  

      I firmly believe when you start following God’s path for your life the devil will do anything in his power to stray you, to make you feel like you can’t do it.  You know what Satan? I can’t do it, I will never be able to do it, I alone am not enough.  But that’s the best part; I don’t have to do it.  Think about Job and what God allowed him to go through, and through it all he was never alone.  Satan tried and tried to use people, good people, to lead Job astray, but he never faltered.  I wish I could be like that.  I’ve faltered…a lot, I’ve even led others astray.   Realizing how far away I was from God was a dawning of a new day.  I realized, I’M AT WAR, no matter how many people try to push aside the spiritual battle that daily takes place--it still exists, and we are all apart of it.  I wasn’t ready for it.  I let school and work overtake my life until I couldn’t focus on God, I let myself become susceptible and I fell.

        Sitting outside is really cold, I long to be in the warmth of my home, 

similarly sitting outside of God is very destitute. I longed to be back in the 

warmth of His embrace. Why couldn’t I go back? What had I done?  I had let 

Satan try and dissuade me from my “calling” I had let him tell me to focus on 

school and work and tell me that God will come.  It took a couple of weeks but I 

finally saw it, through friends who didn’t even know God was using them, I 

realized how greatly I had fallen.  

      
This war can’t and won't be fought with my knowledge of math or biology 
concepts but with the truth of Christ.  I was never really “outside” or “in the cold” 
I was just lost, God was still there He was merely waiting for me to finally see 
what He was doing—molding me into a person who can and will fight for Him.  A 
description I once heard was how a jeweler uses a chisel to form the ruby into

a beautiful piece of art, similarly God uses people and His Word to fashion us.  
It’s not easy being hit and chiseled but it’s even worse giving up what you know 
God has called you to do, or who God has called you to become.

"what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then 

vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, If the Lord wills, we shall live and do 

this or that.”  James 4:14-15

What is my life about?  

If the Lord wills it I will live it, no matter how impossible or tiring it seems, I know 
that with Him all things are possible.

"Let us not become wearing in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:9 

A Thinking Caterpillar

“Have you ever wondered what caterpillars think about?  For as long as they’ve known they were a plump worm just scooching along.  One day they take a long nap and after it they realize they have the ability to fly.”  But I wonder if it’s a strange sensation, terrifying, all they’ve ever known is the ground and crawling and then they’re different, they’ve been changed. 

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

There's so much they hold

And just like them old stars

I see that you've come so far

To be right where you are

How old is your soul?

Sometimes all we’ve ever known is the life we’re leaving behind.  It’s scary to change and go on ahead, but God knows how much we can handle, He’s seen how far we’ve come and He’s always working in us, turning us into that butterfly.  His Spirit whispers in our souls that the life ahead is so much better than the one behind. 

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love 

He will never give up.  No matter how strange or frightening life becomes it’s in those darkest times His great work is being done. Just like a caterpillar trapped inside a cocoon wondering why the darkness of that place is necessary. When the terrifying flood was brought to an end “God gave Noah a reminder-a rainbow.   When God asked Abraham to leave his home and go into the desert, God told him to look to the stars, and it would be a reminder that his people would be just as great. And when Israel was fleeing from his brother, not knowing what his future would be, he had a dream of angels ascending and descending.  Before he left that place he fashioned rocks as a reminder to himself that he was part of God’s plan.”

 And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating 

I'll be here patiently waiting 

To see what you find 

He lets us make our decisions, He lets us choose the life we’ve known or the one He’s trying to give us--the butterfly He wants to turn us into. For me:

I'm still looking up

even if the darkness seems unbearable I know "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis 

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."-James 1:2-4