Sitting Alone

Once upon a time there was a girl whose name was Heidi. She was bright and cheery, and she loved to make people laugh. Sometimes though, she would get weighed down with all of the things she had to do and the responsibilities of moving forward with life.

I’m not a letter type of person.  Actually, let me restate that: I LOVE getting letters, emails, phone calls…I’m just extremely horrible at returning them so I feel awful for not putting the same amount of effort back into that which was obviously put in.  But I received an email from a friend that made me, well read it over and over again.  It’s funny how God sends you those heaven sent messages just when you need them. 

I sat in my living room; it was dark with only the glow of the Christmas tree.  I love this room during Christmas night.  The house is quiet, the stockings are hung by the fireplace and the nativity scene is calm.  I can sit and be alone, not despairing but with a blanket of peace covering me.

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

-       because when she felt the MOST alone, that's when Jesus, the person who loved her the most out of everybody who ever existed, could show her the best that he was with her always, and that she could always depend on him.

I have to admit December is my favorite month.  It’s more than the receiving of presents it's the spirit in the air.  I love knowing that God sent this little baby boy just for me…and just for you, to be our watchful knight

"The LORD will keep you from all harm— 
   he will watch over your life; 
the LORD will watch over your coming and going 
both now and forevermore." Psalm 121:7,8

because he always was watching out for her, and always listening to all of her secret thoughts. He always knew when she was down or tired, or struggling with another problem that was weighing on her. He was there to comfort and protect, and most of all, love.

Love.  He loves me enough to send His baby boy to die for me. Every time I attempt to artfully depict Christ’s love I find myself entrapped.  He loves me to give me EVERYTHING that I have, clothing, a room, presents under the tree, schooling, a job, family, and some of the best friends in this world. 

Matthew 7:11 
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Out of everybody that she's ever known, Jesus understands her the BEST. He's the one who will give her people to laugh with, and to make sure that those same people she can cry with too.

I have this word, sound, code, I’m not too sure what you’d call it but this is what it looks like when texted “ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!” It means: “I’m done, I’ve been pushed to the edge. CALL ME.” Haha.  We can’t really become close to someone till we can let him or her see us when we are weak.  God gives us friends who have the ability to strengthen us.  Many times I found myself thinking I had to handle something on my own, well, I couldn’t.  But once I went and cried out I found myself renewed.  I realized it’s okay to let go and ask someone to help you through it. 

Revelation 21:4 
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

 it's okay to be weak, because he will be her strength. That he wants what is truly the best for her, not making decisions or giving her advice with flawed or selfish or manipulative motives. He will always listen to her cry in the quiet darkness of her bedroom when she goes to bed sad at night, or to calm her nerves when she's about to do something she's unsure she can do. He guides her and lights her way, and deep inside she knows, she knows that he is always with her. Even when she doubts, she knows, because the truth is not a lie and she was made to meet her maker.

It’s hard to search for the truth especially when people want you to believe a lie.  But once that truth is found cherish it never let it go for it will become apart of you.  So many times I have wished to see His face and just leave this world behind and yet I know I’m here for such as time as this but I will anxiously wait for the day when I can see my King face to face.

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’" Matthew 25:23

 even when times get rough and situations get in-between to where she doesn't know what's right or wrong, when things get gray and hard to read, she knows she can turn to him. And so she lives: ever receiving his joy, and compassion, and mercy and grace and peace. Even when the monsters inside of her rear their heads, he's her knight in shining armor, ending the attack and helping her build foundations of self-control and kindness, submission, forgiveness, and a desire to know more things about this stranger who, for no good reason, decided to be her savior. Because in the world, dying for somebody is so rare and un-acclaimed.

We are a selfish race.  We justify our actions by stating “they brought it upon themselves why should I get involved.”  But Christ, He saw a race that had brought sin into a perfect world, and somehow He still loved us.  For some reason He died for us.

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 love is rarely pure and completely selfless. So imagine the one person in the ENTIRE WORLD and HISTORY OF MAN to have a love as pure and selfless enough to choose to die for somebody, instead of that somebody, to save that somebody, would choose YOU? Why? Because he loved her. She didn't deserve it. As excellent and honest and wonderful as her friends thought she was, she wasn't perfect. She didn't deserve to have a friend and savior like that, but there he was. and he loved her so much, if she truly knew the extent, she would never feel alone or unwanted or used or insecure ever again. And he's doing his best to help her understand just how much he loves her.

And one day, he knows she will. ♥

The end

How much He loves me.  My friend is right I will never understand the depths of His love.  I look at the stockings and tree contemplating how many gifts Christ has given me, and you, His selfish, undeserving children.  But He awaits the day when He can look to us and say “good job my good and faithful servent” We are not made to be alone. We have been crafted together in a indissoluble bond ready to love and to be loved.  Because, in the end, all of us aren’t heaven-sent, but headed towards heaven, to our King un-alone and unafraid.

 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." 1 Corinthians 9:24