One Early Morning

God “gives us brief moments with another...but sometimes in those brief moment we get memories that last a life time...” 

       “Heidi, wake up, mom said if you want to get the route down you have to leave right now with me or figure it out on your own Monday.” 

I looked at my phone. It was 5:15 am. But I realized my younger brother was right, I needed to figure out my bus route for school BEFORE school actually started, plus I had a book I needed to get also.  I groaned, got dressed, grabbed my house keys and walked out the door with him. 

       As we made our way through the dark streets of our neighborhood to the bus stop (which was a thirty minute walk) I realized how lucky I am to have him for a brother.  Whose brother figures out a bus route for you while you’re sleeping and then comes and wakes you up at 5am? 

I was soon lost to my thoughts.  We used to do a lot more stuff together but since we got older our tastes changed from toy cars and dress up.  He dresses up for the football field I played volleyball, he likes video games, I try to stay away from them. Haha.  The bus pulled up and shattered my train of thought, we hopped on and sat for nearly an hour.

      When we got to the campus I found out the bookstore wouldn’t open till 9am, it was only 7am….oh joy.  We decided to take another walk to find a Starbucks, there was only a Carl’s about a mile away, but it would have to suffice.  Our conversations didn’t amount to much, small talk about school and his football team but it was, well, peaceful.  For once in a long time we weren’t surrounded by family members who wanted an answer or help in a task.  It was a moment I could’ve easily said no to and stayed in bed, but I would have missed being able to just silently walk side by side laughing at the antics of random cheerleaders and bus riders.

      When we finally got home it was 10:30 he went off to football practice and I went to finish my work.  I was amazed at how much he’s grown and even though I see him every day I somehow missed out.  He’s not so little anymore, he’s a lot stronger than people give him credit for.  He’ll always be the one person who constantly grounds me telling me “you’ll know when it’s right.” And “who cares?”  I hate those two pieces of advice but so far they haven’t proved to be faulty.  Soon he’s going to be moved out pursing his life goals, I can’t believe how fast our childhood flew by, but he’s going to succeed in adulthood, he’s too stubborn not to.

Don’t waste the moments we have with one another, that one moment may be the last.

Philia-Friends

      Friends and summer, they just fit together kind of like ketchup and mustard.  With this being the last weekend of summer and college starting on Monday I look back to reminisce of all the good times with my friends.  I just saw a picture taken at the funeral for a Navy SEAL, his dog was lying right next to the casket softly sighing.  They say dogs are man’s best friend, looking at that picture and seeing the loyalty in that dogs eyes I found that statement to be more true than ever.  No matter where that Navy SEAL went his “best friend” would always be there to welcome him home.  Even when he came home in a casket his dog was there unmoving, faithfully fulfilling his friendship till the very end.

       My friends never cease to surprise me.  From the ones who want to drug me with Nyquil, or find my annoyance unbearable, or were strangers one day one of my good friends the next, they have all blessed me with the gift (and sometimes curse :P) of their friendship.  The Bible verse “A friend loveth at all times” Proverbs 17:17a has never really struck me as anything spectacular until I realized how true it is.  A true friend loves you, no matter what you say or what you do.  I say stupid things, A LOT, every once in a blue moon I have a moment of genius and say the right thing, but no matter what I say or what I do I know my friends love me--at all times. 

I looked up friendship on Wikipedia and here is an excerpt from it:

“Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

▪   The tendency to desire what is the best for the other

▪   Sympathy and empathy

▪   Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart

▪   Mutual understanding and compassion

▪   Trust in one another (able to express feelings - including in relation to the other's actions - without the fear of being judged); able to go to each other for emotional support

▪   Positive reciprocity - a relationship is based on equal give and take between the two parties.

Whereby you can be oneself & make mistakes without fear of judgment.”

       I’ve found that my closest friends are the ones who are always willing to lend a hand---to either help or slap my face, a lot of times it’s both.

"Better is open rebuke 
than hidden love.

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, 
but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27:5-6

 But they don’t nag me, they don’t shut me down with negativity, they quiet me when I’m loud, and let me speak when I’m quiet.   They are the ones who challenge me to daily seek God and encourage me to be my best even when I feel like my worst should suffice.  Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 However, sometimes there are those friends who just don’t encourage us.

       1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals.” My mom would always quote this to me she really wanted me to understand how quickly one can fall when they are surrounded by “bad company.”  I've always related this verse to people whose sin is outwardly visible, they gloat in it and try to convince you to join them when you can clearly see you’d never want to be like them.  But I’ve come to find that the term “bad company” is much more than outward sin.  When I would talk to friends who are constantly negative about others and always complaining I too would become more negative. They never had an encouraging word and were always looking for something to “prey” on.  "What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up." 1Corinthians 14:26 

       Once I distanced myself from these people and started talking more to friends who constantly encouraged me I found my outlook on life changed.  Because I stopped listening to the negative comments I found I had more time to either spend with God or talk to friends who were uplifting.  Sure friends have their days when they just need to vent (“AHHHHH!!!!!!!!” hahaha) but don’t go along with it and have a pity party, tell them to look for the bright side.  Life is good, God is great and there’s a blessing in every trial.  

       True friendship isn’t a fashion piece; it doesn’t go in and out of style.  Although friends may have to leave, whether it’s to college or marriage or a billion other reasons, you know they are never too far out of reach that you can’t talk to them.  

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

Though it's hard to let you go

In the Father's hands we know

That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

Tell Me Now

       “I want to know…”  My brothers and I always quote this line from Indiana Jones 4.  It’s right before the creepy Soviet lady gets blown to smithereens by the aliens; she couldn’t handle the knowledge.  “THE TRUTH?!  You can’t handle the truth!!”  haha I could go on all day with movie quotes but I’ll save you from the pain. 

       I like to know things, I basically like to know everything.  My little brother’s greatest enjoyment is torturing me with information he knows I want to know. 

“Hey Heidi, did you know…” 

“know what?” 

“oh, nothing..*pernicious grin*” 

“TELL ME NOWWW”

needless to say there have been a lot of loud arguments over my want of “knowledge.”

       However, I’ve come to find “ignorance is bliss” when I push to get my own way there’s things I wish I never knew, I wasn’t able to handle the knowledge (just like the creepy Soviet lady).  I throw myself in to situations thinking I can solve the problem or handle it on my own.  Christ had His own perfect plan of how to help that person I have to let Him abide in me and show me who and when to help.  God knows how much I can handle, and I have to wait for His timing to give me that knowledge.  But one thing is for sure He will make the answer clear. For "God is not the author of confusion but of peace ..." 1 Corinthians 14:33

       Even though I get frustrated and think I have every right to know I remember some things are just not meant for me to find out, perhaps at that moment or perhaps ever.  It’s hard to separate myself from the want of knowledge and trust in God’s way but His way is so much more glorious than my own! 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."      Proverbs 3:5-6

     When things get frustrating maybe it was never God’s will for us to be there.  Trust in God’s perfect plan for you, and believe He will give you the answer when needed.  Don't demand it yelling out "TELL ME NOW!!"  Having knowledge and being wise isn’t about always knowing the answer, it’s about knowing when to answer and how to answer.

James 1:5  "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."

It Matters

     Do you ever feel like what you’re doing doesn’t matter?  No matter how many times you do the dishes, more are dirty, the same goes for laundry, and cleaning the living room, it’s always the same, always in need of someone to clean it. 

I’ve found that I have the worst attitude when it comes to doing what I would label as “doesn’t matter.” 

      We are called to do everything as if we are working for God and not for men.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” Colossians 3:23

      That verse convicts me every time I see it.  I know in my heart I would do a better job if someone “important” were coming over.  I forget that God is always over, and who’s more important than Him?  My work is done for men, every day, it’s careless and imperfect.  I fail to see how any of it could matter or make a difference, but to God all of it matters.                                                 When we let Him be apart of our daily activities we invite Him to be apart of us.  Christ doesn’t want to be separate from us as just a “Sunday service.”  If we are constantly working at things for Christ instead of man we are able to be a shining light for Him. From sweeping the floors or running for President, nothing is too small or too great for us not to involve God.     

       So don’t think your tasks are irrelevant and unnecessary you never know how God can use them and you to show His love.  After all everything we do and everything we are matters to Him.    

“one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”  Ephesians 4:6

She Called Him "Sir"

       A dear friend of mine recently showed me an entry in a journal she was keeping for her future husband.  I laughed when she mentioned the idea, and then, as I started reading it, her words had an almost hypnotic affect.  She wrote the words every sixteen year old girl longed to say.  So many of us girls (and guys) struggle to keep our hearts pure for our future spouse, we struggle with the knowledge of wishing this one could be "it"...and too many times it's not.  We are left broken, used, and wishing we never gave away a piece of our heart to the wrong person.  

Place me like a seal over your heart,

like a seal on your arm;

for love is as strong as death,

its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,

it would be utterly scorned.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7


       Don't put a price tag on your love, it's worth is far above rubies.  Let your Father in Heaven direct your path and seal your heart till the day you say "I do."  It will be tough and at times seem impossible but trust me, True Love is worth waiting for.


Dear sir-
I really am at a loss of what to call you, since I'm assuming we
haven't met yet. There's been times I was absolutely certain I'd met
you - and it wasn't you.  Or times I'd wished and hoped, but again it
wasn't you. Perhaps I have met you - but you weren't you at the time.
You havent become yourself yet. Well, if you're reading this, it means
you have become yourself. Perhaps this is all really confusing, about
you not being you, but ask me about it. Maybe I can explain it better
in person than on paper.
Since I really dont know who you are, I suppose I'll call you whatever
I feel like calling you at the moment. (Warning: That could/will be
definitely hazardous to read if you have any measure of pride and
self-decency. Be prepared to be mightily abused in the following
pages.)

I think about you alot. Well, I suppose no more than an almost-17-year
old girl would. Whatever face I may think belongs to you at the
moment, I love you (not the face) more dearly than ever and anticipate
your coming even more.
I struggle with patience alot. And it's hard - I'm not gonna lie and
say it's easy - to keep my heart for you. Waiting, watching, hoping,
fearing. Waiting for my turn with love to come. Watching th horizon
for you. Hoping that I'll be everything you're looking for, wishing
for, wanting for. Fearing you'll pass me by, or I won't be enough, or
having to settle for second best. Because I won't. But how can I know
for sure what I have is the best? "The good is the worst enemy of the
best." Or, taking what I can get of the good because the best doesn't
much care that I'm breathing? Or being the second best someone else is
settling for, and I'll live forever in their shadow?
........I have a lot of fears.

Beauty in Ashes

     Everyone has trials and everyone undergoes struggles, but it’s what we do with those circumstances that will define who we become.

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me...


To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion, 


To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, 


The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; 


That they may be called trees of righteousness, 
The planting of the LORD,

that He may be glorified."
  Isaiah 61:3

       Our troubles are like the ash after a great fire, or perhaps all that is left after the war.  However this war is not a physical war, but a spiritual one.  As our battles pile up one by one we may have moments when we ask “Why God?  How could any good come of this?” To the eye of the beholder there is not much beauty in ashes, but to God’s eye there is an in comparable beauty.   God gives us situations to not only make us more dependent on Him and His strength, but for us to be a light to help others.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10   When we endure trials and come out as more than conquers by the Lords grace we can look back and show others how they too can endure, and overcome. 

       So don’t mourn over your trials or let them come upon you with the spirit of heaviness, give them to God.  He wants to turn the cold winter night into a glorious spring morning. “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Psalm 30: 5b

       When we use our “ashes” to learn from and use to help and guide others we in turn will see the beauty Christ always knew was there. 

The beauty IN ashes.  

I'm in Love with You, Jesus

       I didn’t realize it, they say love can come softly, and it did, it crept up on me like the soft summer rain. 

       Normally I do my devotions every day, sometimes I honestly wish I didn’t have to, but after every single one I’m glad I did.  Lately, I’ve been attempting to go more into the Word to really spend time with Him.  However, I went two days without a single thought toward my devotions.   I was “too tired” I told myself and it seemed like a plausible excuse.  However, after those two days I felt worn out, discouraged in need of a looooonnnggg nap, or so I thought.  As they say “you never what you have (or had) till you lose it.”  I sat down and read my Bible all of a sudden, like the fog breaking away and letting in the Son, I felt at peace. 

       I realized how very much in love I am with Christ and how I need Him every day, hour, or minute.  I simply NEED Him in my life and I have no intention of ever living without Him.  Love had come softly. I didn’t realize how much I loved my Savior till I had separated myself from Him.  It was like in the new Pride and Prejudice when Mr. Darcy comes walking through the fog and all of a sudden Lizzy realizes she could never live without him!  Hahaha okay, not that dramatic and I’m pretty sure Matthew MacFayden isn’t Jesus. Haha  But the general idea still remains. 

       As Francesca Battistelli sings in her song "Paper Heart:" 

I had been so terrified to trust, so many times I'd been reduced to dust, but You keep showing me You're the safest place to be.  

Never knew that I could feel the way I feel, never knew that there could be a love so real...

My paper heart is Yours now, I have landed in Your hands.  Come so far to find out, my life will never be the same since You wrote Your name on my paper heart.  

"One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD, all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord." Psalm 27:4   

And I'm lost in Your love and Your mercy.

Lord, Your beauty is so overwhelming.

I'm thankful for Your truth.

I'm so in love with You.

                                          My Jesus, My Jesus.

                                   (Leeland)

Clean Your Room!

       My younger siblings version of cleaning there room is shoving everything into random corners and drawers so that my mom will not find it. They proudly present her with a “clean” room and run off to play forgetting for the moment that the doll clothes or books have been carelessly tossed into their sock drawer.  However, much to their own dismay, it’s found later on and they end up punished for not putting it where it belonged. 

       

       A lot of the time we treat sin just like my siblings treat cleaning their room.  We toss it aside saying we’ll “deal” with it later, sometimes we even try to hide it from others around us. Just like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden when they tried to hide from God after eating from the tree.   What we forget is that when we don’t deal with our sin we can’t grow in the Spirit.

Proverbs 28:13 People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.    As Christians we should be confessing our sin, we aren’t perfect, we have times where we will fall, (Romans 3:23  For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.)but God doesn’t count how many times we fall, he counts the times we get back up and clean up our act.   He wants us to experience victory!   "But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:57  

       

       So don’t shove your sin into a closet let God come in your life and help you clean your room.